close your eyes and make believe.

sometimes i like to be a rocket:

-mdm

carve your heart out yourself.

i swear, that kid was right.
i need to let my guard down a little bit more,
so i let the art fill me up.
-mdm

hero.

It's the little things that make us who we are in the bigger world.

Pokemon and vegetarian cookbooks littered my Saturday.
so did 3 cups of coffee, and miles to go.
RIP Matt.
-mdm

everything, everyone is going mental.

i was on the bus today, on my way home.
i was listening to dashboard confessional.
(that piece of info is needed to set the scene.)
and i realized something.
i was observing people, as i usually do,
and i started thinking how everyone is different,
but everyone is a person.
we all are human beings.
no one should judge one another, because we ourselves could be judged as well.
yes, we all have our little habits and quirks,
but no one should be judged for them.
there is so much more i could say,
but i'm confusing myself.
i need to clean my room.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ASSIGNS MEANING TO THE SELECTIONS.
i'm making no sense.
hopes this reaches out to you guys.
-mdm

forever & always.

sometimes reality seems so fake.
-mdm

what makes you feel better.

I simultaneously defy and enforce physics. I'm the mumbling in your head while you're crunching the numbers. I'm the apparition, tick, gut wrenching, suspicion and glee too. I'm the reason you rolled a nineteen for charisma, the cat's meow, your least favorite aunt. Touch me and i'll touch you. Watch me and I'll watch you. You once tried to call me and the line was busy, but that was actually just me making busy signal noises with my mouth. If you would have called back I would have cooked you some pasta. What you're looking for right now is going to evade you forever. Fish don't speak but squirrels do. It all depends on your longitude. You should start from the beginning, but ignore the prequels. I like minimalism, broken robots, granny smith apples, sneakers and the mundane. I like make believe vampires but the real ones scare me. I don't care too much for your boss and the fact that you're starting to resemble her. You should work on that. You'll find me to be very reasonable if you'd just give me a chance. You can paint me by numbers. You can tell me to your shrink. You can consume me up to three times daily but you shouldn't ever exceed twelve doses in a four day period, unless you have a note from your mother. I definitely detest mom jokes. Seriously. I don't need to be reminded of what I resemble. I usually involve a variety of livestock running rampantly around. I think sideways motorcycle helmets are all the rage now that sideways trucker's hats are out. I am a live, fleshy human being attempting to recreate sounds in real life. I speak in binary code. I strive for muzak and custom made slip n' slides. I play for keeps. My grass is always greenest. My hair is unkempt.

i'm learning a lot about myself through this experience.
-mdm

this is a social scene anyway.

Everyone's a let down,
It just depends on how far down they can go.

to be my bait.

okay, i admit it. i really do. alot. like, alot alot.
prom was the most amazing night ever.
-mdm

i hope my 11:11 wish comes true.

nobody's real.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting you hearts longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from God's presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon , Yes! It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children. It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments.

-mdm

back and forth.

i need to stop looking towards influences to find out who i am.
i need to look towards myself.
-mdm

you be the cat and i'll be the mouse.

I...

-am bipolar.
-am finally learning that i cannot trust anyone.
-need to stop biting my nails.
- am excited for prom friday.
-am wearing unmatching socks as usual.
-am super scared for college...even though it's 2 years away.
-need a good talk with my mommy.
-am way overdue for a good room cleaning.
-need to hangup my portrait.
-don't care what people think of me anymore.
-also don't know who i am.
-need a good shopping spree.
-am maybe starting to think of him that way?
-think way too much.
-mdm

i'm not going cause i've been waiting for a miracle.

a list of my goals i want to accomplish before i die:
1. own a dance studio.
2. own an organic health food store.
3. write a novel.
4. become an art teacher.
5. get a lead in the musical.
6. sing for a band. (work in progress)
7. become a good runner.
8. get tan.
9. become that person.
10. be in a movie.
11. graduate highschool with honors.
12. go to lots of shows.
13. fall in love, obviously.
14. live by the ocean.
15. live my life to the fullest.
16. do as much as possible.
17. stay healthy.
18. be happy.

he was born a pauper to a pawn.

yesterday.
a simple accident caused that guy to jump.
i stopped.
running around goodwill is fun.
i felt bad for the lonely one all alone in his cage.
they both came to my art class.
my hair was okay.
it was definetly a perfect toucan.
i didn't eat the fast food at 11pm.
i swear if those melonheads scare me one more time...
we didn't get a picture of shia.
he called her beautiful.
i was told to go to art school.
he still hates me.

boo berries and cherry coke is a nutritious lunch, dontcha think?
-mdm

coo coo cachoo.

i just freaking beg of you to give a straightforward answer for once.
also, thinking of dying my hair red.
-mdm

^^i took that.
and many, many others.

little bombs.

my hair now smells of fire pit, and i hate it.
my diet starts tomorrow.
-mdm